All latest Funny Christmas quotes 2017

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Funny Christmas quotes 2017: Sending quotes to your friends and family is the best way to wish them a Merry Christmas. Here is the collection of Latest Funny Christmas quotes which you can send to your Loved once. Also Check: Merry Christmas wishes

Funny Christmas Quotes:



“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”– Victor Borge


“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”– Melanie White


Funny christmas quotes


“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”– Dave Barry


“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.”– Guy Endore Kaiser


Funny christmas quotes


“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”– Bridger Winegar




“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”– Erma Bombeck


Funny christmas quotes


“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”– Garrison Keillor


“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”– Jerry Seinfeld


Funny christmas quotes


 

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”– Shirley Temple


“Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?”– Tom Armstrong


Funny christmas quotes


“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.”– Catherine Tate


“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.”– Tom Sims


Funny christmas quotes


“Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.”– Author Unknown


“Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.”– Sean Hughes


Funny christmas quotes


“Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.”– Alan Bradley


“I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”– Fred Rogers


Funny christmas quotes


“Next to a circus, there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”– Frank McKinney Hubbard


“Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.”– Author Unknown




“Wretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping.”– Jon Anderson


“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.”– Anthony Jeselnik


Funny christmas quotes


“I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.”– Demetri Martin



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